In the last few years, we’ve been blessed to have conversations with, guide and support our youth right here in Lake Macquarie. There’s a question we ask every single one of them: “Would you love more confidence?” Surprise or not, every single one says yes! We’ve asked them all to describe what confidence is, and so far, not one has been able to do so. And herein lies the problem when it comes to supporting our kids to cultivate their confidence. We’re having the wrong conversation. It may surprise you that in an article about confidence, it’s the thing we’re going to talk about the least when it comes to confidence-building activities for kids.
The thing about confidence
There are 3 aspects that go deeper than confidence and allow the youth to display “confidence”. These are:
- Comfort
- Competence
- Language
Take a look at every person whom you deem as being confident and take note in the behaviours and beliefs they have. They’re calm and relaxed. They have fun! They’re focused on the task at hand. They have a brilliant internal conversation with themselves.
Comfort
All summed up – they’re comfortable in the scenario they find themselves in – be it an academic test, a speech, a job interview, a social situation, a rep trial or sporting game. The reason they’re comfortable is that they’re competent in this scenario. They’ve put in the hours and done the work.
Competence
If you were to do 52 public speeches compared to 4 in a year, which would you be more “confident”? The 52nd one of course! Why? Because you’ve got 52 repetitions up your sleeve, so you’re more comfortable & relaxed at public speaking, and you can now display what people describe as confidence.
Language
With regards to language, this is a complex matter that can take you down a deep rabbit hole. In simplest terms, however, those who are comfortable are communicating in a way that uses “affirmations”. Focusing on what they do want, all that can go well and what they are doing well. Instead of “negations” where they’d focus on what they don’t want, what could possibly go wrong, and what they’re not doing well.
Confidence going wrong
It’s a little confusing, however, if we want more “confidence” or comfort in a situation that scares us and makes us anxious, the answer is spending more time in that situation. We need to become comfortable being uncomfortable. With time and effort doing these things that scare us, we’ll become more and more comfortable.
It’s about baby steps and valuing ourselves and our progress by our effort and not the outcome we receive. Why? Well, as humans we do not control the outcome, we solely control the level of effort we give. We don’t control the mark we get in the speech at school – that’s left in the teacher’s hand. However, we control the amount of preparation we put in beforehand, and the day of the speech. Kids do not control how recess will play out with other kids, they control how they show up to recess and what they do. We don’t control whether we make the representative team or not – that’s up to the coaches. However, we control our level of effort to the things that matter most to a player of our position.
What can I do as a parent?
It’s simple, and you’re already doing an amazing job at it!
- Communicate with your child in an affirmative way that focuses on the level of effort they’re putting in
- Join them in the “scenario” that scares them to show them how much you truly support them
- Support them to see the progress they’re making and praise them for this effort
- Continue to be there for them with support, as this journey will have its steps forward and backwards
- Enjoy yourselves and have fun with it!
Confidence building activities for kids
The term ‘confidence’ is used so much and carries numerous concepts and expectations that our youth don’t always understand. Yet we assume they do. Breaking it down and focusing at a deeper level on the 3 aspects that encapsulate confidence is definitely a great starting point. It will help you create better confidence-building activities for kids.
Contributor: Nick Maier
