Feelings. Just hearing the word may have you running for cover. Sometimes it just seems easier to bottle everything up and move on. So often life throws a curveball, like a marriage breakdown, someone you love passing away, financial pressure, family problems, even losing your job. The list goes on. We asked Andrew from Optimum Ability Support Services what his thoughts were on dealing with life’s problems and how they make us feel.
Feelings and our response
I was thinking recently about how difficult it is to experience feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, anxiety, fear, doubt, anger, frustration or feeling overwhelmed. None of these are pleasant. We don’t enjoy feeling like this. Sometimes, we would do anything NOT to feel like this, including:
- Avoiding the emotion
- Hiding away in the online world
- Drinking away the problem
- Taking drugs
- Self-destructive behaviours as a distraction from the fear/anger/anxiety/pain/helplessness
But what if feelings aren’t the problem? What if they’re only a response? What if these very feelings are letting you know that for you, whatever is happening is the problem?
Using emotions as sign posts
I believe there is no such thing as a bad emotion. Each one has been specially evolved to help you. Your emotional responses describe exactly how you feel about what’s going on. Ever heard the phrase ‘Don’t shoot the messenger’? Difficult, even painful emotions are only the messenger. If you can accept that emotions are only the response to a problem, it may help you look at your situation differently. Once you understand that fighting against the emotion won’t help, you can start to work on what is causing the emotion.
Focusing on the cause
Emotions allow you to acknowledge your feelings. They point you to the situations in your life that are making you feel sad, angry, frustrated, and more. Sometimes you can’t fix a problem until you have allowed yourself to feel an unpleasant emotion. Then you can start to address the underlying issue. When you work on the issue that is causing the emotion you’re beginning to deal with that emotion too. It’s a win win.
Don’t you think I’d fix it if I could?
Many of us believe we should be on top of everything, all the time. That we should be able to solve every emotional problem, without any help, ever. We’re used to being in charge. Leading at work. Looking after a family. Being seen as resilient. Strong. Capable. That can lead us to think…
But can they? Really? Maybe that’s just a story we tell ourselves.
It’s okay to ask for help
Think about it. When you’re sick, you see a doctor. If you find a leak in the bathroom you call a plumber. When your tooth starts aching you make an appointment with the dentist. We don’t expect to be able to fix everything else in our lives. So why do we feel we don’t need help with how we feel? Something that is so important in our day-to-day lives.
Ask yourself this. If your best friend came to you with the same problems you have, but they didn’t have the answer, would you think they were foolish for asking for your help?
If your answer was, “No, I’d be happy to help them and I’d tell them not to feel bad”, then perhaps an important (but difficult) question is ‘Why are you any less deserving of help than they are?’
Start your journey today
Everyone, especially you, deserves help to solve their problems when they need it. You’re not weak. You’re not an idiot. You’re just human. There’s no more important investment in your life than you. Imagine how your life would feel if you dealt with the things that worry you or keep you up at night. I hope this may help you to find the support you deserve, next time you’re feeling bad and don’t have all the answers.
Contributor:
Optimum Ability Support Services | It’s all about YOU!
Andrew Moses – Owner
Description: I assist individuals with physical, emotional, and psycho-social disabilities in our community. I work completely independently and focus on your goals. Providing Mental Health Support for NDIS Participants, and the General Public, all around Lake Macquarie. I’m all about providing in-home support at a time and place that suits you best. Being an experienced, qualified, general, and mental health nurse means I understand the impact physical challenges and illness can have on emotional well-being.
Phone: 0492838726
E: andrewmoses@optimumability.com.au
